i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
