No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
