He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
