we have pet lesbian snakes
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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