The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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