Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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