marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
