How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The beer is more important than you right now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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