first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
