ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
