you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
someone owes me an orgasm
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
