booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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