High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
A bitchslap is in order.
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