Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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