and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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