Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
