He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
