Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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