There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
