I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
