My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
