i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
