areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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