If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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