After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
