I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
