So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
