Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
