Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
