I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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