just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
