if you like me you must not know who I am
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
