I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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