i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
