i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
