really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Found the puke drawer
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I smell like Dick and happiness
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
