i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
