Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
