Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
