It's Friday. Sex?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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