There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
