In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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