Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
