the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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