Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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