ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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