Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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