new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
