Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
