I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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